This year, as I prepare for the holidays, I've been searching for ornaments and decorations that will reflect our family. I know we're never going to find something perfect, like a figurine of carolers with a white mom, dad and two sisters, and one black baby, but I thought I would at least find a few black santas, angels, etc. to mix in with our current eccletic mix. Despite having ornaments from all over the world, the ornaments we own with people on them show mostly white folks.
I had always assumed that such ornaments and decorations were out there, but I just didn't know the right store to find them. Or, like many things, I never really paid attention. For example, I never perused hair care products for black women or truly studied them as I have now, before we adopted the Newbie. Before we adopted her, I did research on where to find hair salons, cards with representations of multicultural families, books, etc. and always found, with relative ease, what I was looking for.
Two weekends ago, I went to Frankenmuth, Michigan with my family. They have this totally insane holiday store there. I scored two black santas, three black angels, two black ballerinas, a ball ornament with a scene from Africa, and a ball ornament with a holiday greeting in Amharic. They even had some other choices, but they didn't fit with our family--for example, a black girl playing basketball(maybe in the future with the Newbie, but we're really short people).
I was talking with my stepmom about them and she got really excited,"Ohhh, a black santa? Can you tell me where you found him?" Apparently, these things are pretty hard to find! I was really thrilled with the Amharic ornament, but I assumed that a black santa was not particularly elusive. I did some google-ing and found a few things. Some ornaments on ebay, two or three websites. The selections weren't great, and often different stores carried the same products.
In my work, I struggle sometimes about how to explain white privilege. This is a perfect example. I never had to worry about whether I could find holiday decorations that looked like me! My parents could always buy me an ornament that looked like me doing something I liked to do--like playing tennis. White privilege is never having to search for a black santa, to take for granted that Santa looks like you. To never wonder why Santa at the mall is yet another white man. To watch a holiday movie where Santa visits a kid that could be me.
I'm grateful to have found what I needed, but am disappointed there isn't more.
ETA: For those of you who don't know me IRL, my step mom is black-- our exchange makes more sense if you know that.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Teasing, two differing philosophies
So Doodle last night at "dark dinner"(dinner at home with candles)announced that she had been teased at school that day. She wasn't too upset about it. I asked, "What do you mean, teasing?" She said that two boys called her a crybaby.
These two boys at once repel and fascinate her. They are "bad" and "get in trouble" all the time. Her locker is in between their lockers so she is witness to many altercations. Doodle looks down upon their behavior but you can tell she is intrigued by their wild sides. Anyway, the teasing. She told me that she told a teacher and they got in trouble.
I told her that sometimes when I was teased, I ignored the teasers. I had Dan role play as the person teasing me, and I turned to the girls and started talking like he wasn't even there. By the time I said, "Do you hear something, girls? I feel like I hear some silly talk in the background," the girls had dissolved into giggles.
Later that night, Doodle was two spaces shy of winning Candy land when she drew a card that sent her back to the beginning. Sobs ensued. Dan used the opportunity to tell Doodle that she was, in fact, a bit of a crybaby and that he would help her work on being less cry babyish.
On the one hand, I was shocked. On the other I was interested. I wondered why on earth I gave Doodle the same advice that was neither effective nor helpful when I was teased as a girl. By the same token, I wasn't convinced Dan's method was more effective than mine.
A few days later, Doodle told me that my strategy worked. A boy tried to "shoot" her with an imaginary gun in a game she wasn't participating in. She said she ignored him and he followed her for a while, then gave up.
I don't know how I feel about all of this. I'm upset but not surprised she is being teased. She's going to be a magnet for teasing, with her rule following, slightly superior attitude. I'm happy that she doesn't seem all that bothered by it. I'm glad that my method is working, but wonder if Dan's crybaby remediation plan might be good for her. Will being honest hurt her self esteem?
I don't know if we will ever know the "right" way to deal with this. It can't hurt to have two differing perspectives. I'll keep you posted. The joys of kindergarten!
These two boys at once repel and fascinate her. They are "bad" and "get in trouble" all the time. Her locker is in between their lockers so she is witness to many altercations. Doodle looks down upon their behavior but you can tell she is intrigued by their wild sides. Anyway, the teasing. She told me that she told a teacher and they got in trouble.
I told her that sometimes when I was teased, I ignored the teasers. I had Dan role play as the person teasing me, and I turned to the girls and started talking like he wasn't even there. By the time I said, "Do you hear something, girls? I feel like I hear some silly talk in the background," the girls had dissolved into giggles.
Later that night, Doodle was two spaces shy of winning Candy land when she drew a card that sent her back to the beginning. Sobs ensued. Dan used the opportunity to tell Doodle that she was, in fact, a bit of a crybaby and that he would help her work on being less cry babyish.
On the one hand, I was shocked. On the other I was interested. I wondered why on earth I gave Doodle the same advice that was neither effective nor helpful when I was teased as a girl. By the same token, I wasn't convinced Dan's method was more effective than mine.
A few days later, Doodle told me that my strategy worked. A boy tried to "shoot" her with an imaginary gun in a game she wasn't participating in. She said she ignored him and he followed her for a while, then gave up.
I don't know how I feel about all of this. I'm upset but not surprised she is being teased. She's going to be a magnet for teasing, with her rule following, slightly superior attitude. I'm happy that she doesn't seem all that bothered by it. I'm glad that my method is working, but wonder if Dan's crybaby remediation plan might be good for her. Will being honest hurt her self esteem?
I don't know if we will ever know the "right" way to deal with this. It can't hurt to have two differing perspectives. I'll keep you posted. The joys of kindergarten!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Happy Halloween!
As you can see, we had a great Halloween. Moo decided at the last minute that her Darth Vader costume (3rd year in a row) was too itchy, so she decided to be Princess Aurora. The Newbie loved trick or treating. She mostly stayed in the stroller, but really enjoyed the goldfish crackers she scored. It's been a busy Halloween season, we've celebrated with the Hogans, done Halloween symphony with Nama, Pumpkin patch with Grandma Grace and Auntie Lorri, etc.
Yesterday ended with sour tummys, but hard to say if that was too much Halloween candy or the H1N1 shots the girls had in the morning. All was well this morning, and we're pooped.
ETA: Doodle is not striking a pose there, she's desperately trying to get the last powder from a pixy stik. She wouldn't smile for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
