Call Me Mama!

Since we've known the Newbie, she's been free with her "DaDas." At first I wasn't sure she was attaching meaning to the words. Now there is a clear "DaDee" going on. All the time. "Dadadadada" "Dah-dee, dah-dee, da da da."

I thought it was cute at first, when I would say "Mama" and point to myself and she would reply "DaDa." Really, I did. Some pathetic Mamaaaas helped. Mostly right before bedtime or when she wanted her milk. I wasn't entirely sure they were meant for me or the milk, truthfully.

Slowly, I became more frustrated. Dan reminded me that this happened with the older two girls. They identified Daddy first and then Mommy (Doodle) and Mama (Moobear). In fact, once they finally picked it up I heard Mama so many times I wondered why I was so frustrated. He also said that most of the time she is just babbling. His comments didn't really help.

See with this child, I know she knows me. I know I soothe her. She wants me when she is upset and prefers being with me in the sling than the stroller. But...it bugs me that all I hear is "Dada" particularly when I suspect it is willful at times. Sometimes, she says "Dada" with a smile.

It doesn't help that Dan is home with the girls on Thursdays and Fridays and I am back at work. He's a great Dad. He takes them to the beach (photo above). They go to the park. They have lots of fun. It wouldn't surprise me that the Newbie wants to associate with the fun guy. I fear this a bit, actually.

However, I know from the first two that no matter how fun Dad is, there are some things for which only Mom will do. I am the finder of all things, the person who signs them up for classes and the person who knows which underwear glow in the dark. So it REALLY bothers me that Dan is the man. I oscillate between being convinced he is her favorite, to worrying that she is only bonding with him (what on earth could they be doing during the 5 am shift that is so fun?) to thinking that I'm over thinking it.

With the newbie, I always think, hmmm, is this a developmental issue, an adoption issue, or a newbie issue? I've turned that on myself and think it is an adoption issue. See, I have claimed the newbie. She is MY daughter. She belongs in our family. Because of this and the strong attachment I feel, I think that I want to hear her claim me. To have her say, ok, you really are my mom, not just that weird woman sings disco songs and who feeds me all the time. I worry that we are not attaching even though I know in my mind that is not true.

So we had a long talk a few nights ago. Mostly me talking and lots of DaDaDas on her part. A few days go by, and just when I think all hope is lost, Mary Poppins tells me the newbie's been asking for me by name. I think Mary Poppins is trying to be nice. She has, for over eight weeks, been witness to countless "Mama?" "Dada" exchanges between the newbie and I. It's becoming a running joke. The other day Doodle patted me on the arm and said, "It's ok Mama, she loves you, too but it's funny."

But then last night, it happens. I hand her off to Dan so I can change my clothes and suddenly, the newbie is,"MaMa, MaMa, MAMA!" Ahh, finally.

So this morning, I do my usual. Point to the newbie and say her name. Point to me and say, "Mama." Point to her and point to me, waiting for her to say something. She says, "Dada." With a big smile. And then I know, for sure ,that probably most of this time, she's just been messing with me. Stinker. The teenage years are going to be rough.

Bottom 10 percent and we are overjoyed!

The Newbie went to Dr. L on Tuesday. Since our first doctor's visit upon returning home (May 4), the Newbie has gained 2.6 pounds and grown 2 inches. She's moved up from the 3rd percentile in weight and height to the 10th percentile!!! Her head circumference remains at the 25th percentile. She came home comfortably in 3-6 month clothes and she's now in the 9 month size.

I think the growth can be attributed to the 4 meals she requires a day and the 40 oz of formula she pounds in a day. She's eating less often now, but more volume. Tonight her 4th meal consisted of an entire container of baby yogurt, two cubes (ice cube size, I make some of my own baby food) one of sweet potato and one of cauliflower and 1/2 of a jar of vegetable turkey dinner, with 2 tablespoons of cereal mixed into the veggies. Oh, and about 10 puffs and she's still working on the cheerios I gave her.

It's totally weird for me to have a good eater. She's eaten everything I've put in front of her, and eats at a reasonable pace. With the other girls a meal could last for hours and they would consume about 1/4 of what the newbie eats. So far, she's avoided strawberries and peaches, but I think that is because she has trouble picking them up. She eats pureed strawberries or peach yogurt, just not little pieces of real fruit. She's been known to feed herself a full banana broken into a million tiny pieces.

We've discovered that when we skip the 4th meal, she wakes up in the middle of the night for formula, so for now, we're sticking to our schedule.

I can't believe how far the newbie has come in the last 2.5 months. She can clap her hands and wave now. She sits up unassisted. She can put weight on her legs and "stand" with help. Total weight gain since we met her is upwards of 4 pounds.

The only downside has been that with some good nutrition, her teeth are all coming in at once. She's got four on the bottom, two on the top, and Dr. L says the rest are ready to burst. That plus the 4 shots she got yesterday have made for a cranky baby, but I don't blame her.

Well, off for now, but I'll try to be better with updates.

Nightime with Newbie - or, the differences between baby #1 and baby #3

Last night was an eventful one for the newbie and I. It also illustrated the differences of parenting baby #1 vs. baby #3.

I stayed up late last night hunting for ideas and gear for the older girls' first kid birthday party (more on this another day). I went up to the Newbie's room--one of has to be close to her at night. If she wakes up and you don't get to her soon enough, you'll both be up all night. She's not the easiest to settle once she gets going.

I was met in her room by a gross poop smell. Cursing Dan for not emptying the diaper pails often enough, I moved the diaper pail from the bedroom. I wasn't about to attempt to empty it at 11 p.m. The room still smelled. I sprayed some room spray. The room still smelled. Then I realized the odor was coming from the Newbie--the dreaded nighttime poopy diaper.

If this were the Doodle, baby #1, I would have woken her up and promptly changed the diaper. With number three, I debated.....wake her up, possibly be up all night vs. leave sleeping poopy kids lie. I'm not going to lie, for a while I leaned towards letting her sleep. In the end, I couldn't deal with the smell so I went about changing her. However, I made a rookie mistake. I didn't put the new diaper on while I was struggling with the wipes. Then, I heard it first, rather than saw it or felt it...the pee. It was up in the air, nicely arched, a fully loaded pee. Her jammies were soaked. The clean diaper lying next to her was soaked. The changing pad was soaked. I was soaked. The wall might have been soaked (I couldn't tell in the dark). She laughed.

Now if this were the Doodle, I would have whisked her to the bath and promptly loaded the soiled clothes and the changing pad into the washer. I would have put a new cover on the changing pad. I might have even taken a shower myself. What did I do last night? I dried the Newbie off, wiped her down with a few baby wipes and put new pjs on. I bundled up all the soiled laundry and put it on top of the diaper pail in the hallway, changed my t-shirt, washed my hands and we both went to sleep. I have no idea where I stashed the changing pad covers, so I didn't worry about trying to locate them in the dark. All good. Newbie didn't care and she certainly didn't seem to be bothered by the late night escapade. In fact, we both had a good laugh about it. If only I was this relaxed with the first two, I might have enjoyed their first few months more.

Late June

I few notes about June. It was a busy end of the month and when I went to upload the new slide show, I had more than 80 photos! I cheated and a few are from May-- Auntie R and Uncle M's visit, the newbie's first dip in the pool. For June there were pics from picture day at gymnastics, Mary Poppins' birthday party, a trip to a local children's garden and a trip to American Girl.

I go back to work tomorrow. It is always too soon, no matter how long you take. It is interesting that despite a very competent husband and Mary Poppins that as a mom (or as the primary care parent) you think you can do it better. With the first two, since I was breastfeeding there was the additional link that I was responsible for the food. That isn't the case this time but it feels the same. I know that everyone will be fine, better than fine really, but there is something about being a mom that makes you believe that it would be better if you were there. I guess we are entitled to a little arrogance since we endure the exquisite bittersweet pain of raising children and sending them off into the world to be independent beings. To endure that unique mixture of pride and complete terror is to deserve a bit of swagger that comes with the responsibility.

Added to all of this is the work. I love my job but with the economy and all, I will be going back to a slightly unhappier place and that is part of it too. So today I am a little weepy but tomorrow I will slap on my makeup and grown-up clothes and schlep my computer to my office. I will remember how much I miss my work friends and hopefully be reminded that the work I do matters and is meaningful in some way.

And when I come home, the girls will be happy and healthy. Most likely they will have enjoyed the one-on-one time with Mary Poppins and later in the week with Dan. I will hurry home and begin the journey once again that has me finding the right balance between work and home.

Why I Stand in Line for Hours to Register Them

I'm going to have to remember these pictures when I am standing in those crazy lines and I'm waiting to sign the girls up for gymnastics. Especially the Doodle -- it's nice to see her standing so tall and proud and confident.

Recycling Police

I've gotten tired of refilling water glasses since the older girls can't reach the water dispenser in the fridge. That and the sound of their wooden stool being dragged over to the refrigerator drives me insane. So I bought this dispenser that looks like a plastic shirt box with a nozzle on the side that goes on the bottom shelf of the fridge. It works like a charm, especially when it's filled with lemonade. We call it self-serve.

Yesterday, I left one of those giant plastic laundry detergent bottles on top of the garbage can we use for recycling. The Doodle had a fit. "You can't throw that out! We can RE-USE it! We use those for holding water to wash hands at preschool!!"

"But I wasn't going to throw it out. I was going to recycle it!" And, in my defense, it was the bottle from environmentally friendly laundry detergent.

"No, Mommy. We HAVE to re-use it!"

"Okay, so let's think of something we can do with it."

Doodle thinks for a long moment. I start to celebrate that I have her stumped---because the husband who hates clutter will have a fit if plastic bottles start littering the house with new and improved uses. But I was wrong. So wrong.

"Mom. Mom! We can clean it out, put it in the fridge and use it for grown-ups' wine!"

It does bear a shocking resemblance to the water dispenser I bought for them. I'm thinking holy crud do we drink THAT much wine in this house? Hmmm....but it's not a bad thought. Nahh.....

"How about we use it to hold water to water the plants? We can fill it up with water from the rain barrel."

"Ok."

Teachable Moment- Or why you can't call your sister a monkey!

This weekend we were downtown at a grocery store. It was one of those outings where everyone has to tell me how cute the girls are or how we have such a wonderful family. Ahh, the joys of being conspicuous. More on this in a later post.

The girls love to call their sister animal names. "Who's a cute little bunny?" "Who's a cute little cat? Can you meow?" Well, there we were in the checkout and the Doodle says, "Who's a cute little monkey? Ooh Ooh, Ahh Ahh Ahh" complete with cute monkey noises. It was one of those moments where the record stops, there is silence and I wished the floor would swallow me up.

"Doodle, can you stop for a moment? Mommy's not mad at you, but we have to talk about this in the car. Hey, do you want some sugar free gum?"

She really didn't know better and I didn't think to talk about it before the newbie came home. In the car, "Ok, so there are people in the world who don't like or are uncomfortable with people with brown skin. This makes Mommy sad, because some of her favorite people in the world are brown. To be mean, these people sometimes call brown people monkeys, or gorillas or apes and it hurts their feelings. I know you did not know about this Doodle, so Mommy isn't mad but we can't call your sister a monkey or an ape."

Moo Bear: "Buddy and Sheila are brown and we like them!"

Dan: "Yes, great!"

Me: "Ok, let's practice. Can we call your sister a bear?"

Girls: "Yes!"

Me: "Can we call your sister a dolphin?"

Girls: "Yes!"

Me: " Can we call your sister an orangutan?"

Girls: "Yes!"

Me: "No, it's a type of primate--ahh, it's kind of like a gorilla."

Dan: "You can't call your sister any animal names if the animal is brown."

Doodle: "We can call her a cat."

Moo: "Some cats are brown. How about calling her a tiger?"

Doodle: "Tigers have brown stripes, so we can't. Giraffes are ok."

Me: (quietly, musing to self)" Hmmm...but tigers have black stripes, oh never mind."

Moo: "How about we call her a white cat. You know, use a color!"

Me: "Well, some of the people who don't like brown people also call themselves white."

Moo: "But lots of people are peach not white."

Me: "You are right. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense. I think the main thing is that we don't call the Newbie a monkey, ape, gorilla or a baboon."

Dan: "Or a Gibbon or a Chimpanzee. Or any other primate."

Girls: "We get it."

Dan: "Can I get a ruling on lemurs? You know the girls like the Penguins of Madagascar, and they might call her a lemur?"

Me: "Shut up, science geek. You are confusing the issue."

Girls:"Mom, it isn't nice to say shut up!"

Me: "Sorry, Dad!"

This whole thing made me sad. I think it is necessary to prepare our kids for the world around them and the world is not all sweetness and light. And I hate to ruin the girls' innocence but it is important. I worry that I am not doing it "right" but at the same time, there is no one right way to talk about ethnicity or skin color. The most important thing is to keep talking about it--even if the conversation is confused by freakish scientific knowledge.