Teachable Moment- Or why you can't call your sister a monkey!

This weekend we were downtown at a grocery store. It was one of those outings where everyone has to tell me how cute the girls are or how we have such a wonderful family. Ahh, the joys of being conspicuous. More on this in a later post.

The girls love to call their sister animal names. "Who's a cute little bunny?" "Who's a cute little cat? Can you meow?" Well, there we were in the checkout and the Doodle says, "Who's a cute little monkey? Ooh Ooh, Ahh Ahh Ahh" complete with cute monkey noises. It was one of those moments where the record stops, there is silence and I wished the floor would swallow me up.

"Doodle, can you stop for a moment? Mommy's not mad at you, but we have to talk about this in the car. Hey, do you want some sugar free gum?"

She really didn't know better and I didn't think to talk about it before the newbie came home. In the car, "Ok, so there are people in the world who don't like or are uncomfortable with people with brown skin. This makes Mommy sad, because some of her favorite people in the world are brown. To be mean, these people sometimes call brown people monkeys, or gorillas or apes and it hurts their feelings. I know you did not know about this Doodle, so Mommy isn't mad but we can't call your sister a monkey or an ape."

Moo Bear: "Buddy and Sheila are brown and we like them!"

Dan: "Yes, great!"

Me: "Ok, let's practice. Can we call your sister a bear?"

Girls: "Yes!"

Me: "Can we call your sister a dolphin?"

Girls: "Yes!"

Me: " Can we call your sister an orangutan?"

Girls: "Yes!"

Me: "No, it's a type of primate--ahh, it's kind of like a gorilla."

Dan: "You can't call your sister any animal names if the animal is brown."

Doodle: "We can call her a cat."

Moo: "Some cats are brown. How about calling her a tiger?"

Doodle: "Tigers have brown stripes, so we can't. Giraffes are ok."

Me: (quietly, musing to self)" Hmmm...but tigers have black stripes, oh never mind."

Moo: "How about we call her a white cat. You know, use a color!"

Me: "Well, some of the people who don't like brown people also call themselves white."

Moo: "But lots of people are peach not white."

Me: "You are right. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense. I think the main thing is that we don't call the Newbie a monkey, ape, gorilla or a baboon."

Dan: "Or a Gibbon or a Chimpanzee. Or any other primate."

Girls: "We get it."

Dan: "Can I get a ruling on lemurs? You know the girls like the Penguins of Madagascar, and they might call her a lemur?"

Me: "Shut up, science geek. You are confusing the issue."

Girls:"Mom, it isn't nice to say shut up!"

Me: "Sorry, Dad!"

This whole thing made me sad. I think it is necessary to prepare our kids for the world around them and the world is not all sweetness and light. And I hate to ruin the girls' innocence but it is important. I worry that I am not doing it "right" but at the same time, there is no one right way to talk about ethnicity or skin color. The most important thing is to keep talking about it--even if the conversation is confused by freakish scientific knowledge.