Please sleep!

I should have known that we were going to have a sleep issue soon, since Moo has been sleeping in her own bed in her own room (not Doodle's room) all night long for quite some time now. So it was time for the sleep bitch to mess with us again.

The Newbie has generally been a champion sleeper. Put her down, she goes right to sleep and sleeps on through the night. A few times before a milestone or with her ear infection we had rough nights, but generally, things are great. The only issue we had was the crib. She hated it and refused to sleep in it. Maybe it reminded her of her crib in the care center? All was well, until a week or so ago.

We keep having these nights where she wakes up crying and we try everything-- rocking, milk, singing, laying down next to her, bringing her in our bed. She wants to go back to sleep but can't. Even if you get her to doze, when you lower her to the bed she wakes up screaming. I've determined that it isn't the type of pajamas, the prescense or absence of white noise, whether the fan is off or on, whether she has covers on or off, the time she goes to bed, the temperature in her room, who puts her to sleep, etc. Her ears are fine, her tummy is fine, she's not hungry. She's just awake. ANd wants you to be awake with her. For HOURS and HOURS.

Dan takes a turn, then me. Two nights ago, he had her for a while, I tried for over an hour, tried to give her back, but Dan was all, "Nut uh. You have at least another hour and a half before you can hand her back. I've been up for over two hours. Good luck." I got her back to sleep for an hour and a half, gave her to Dan at 7 am and went back to sleep myself.

Last night, I had had it. From 12:45 until 2 I tried the soothing and the milk. Then I did the impossible. I let her cry it out. She cried in her room, I cried just outside the door. The first time, I lasted 3 minutes. Went in and started over. Then 5 minutes of crying. Went in, started over. Then 10 minutes. By then, she woke up Doodle, who joined her Dad in our bed. I'm still crying outside her room. Wondering if this is the right thing to do. Worried because of possible abandonment issues. Feeling like a failure since I never did this with the older girls and can't figure out how to help her. Was I stronger then, with them? More patient? More resilient?

Why couldn't she just curl in next to me and sleep? Then it stopped. I laid down on the hardwood floor outside her room. I was trapped. To move would mean the floor would creak and then she would wake up. I think I laid there for about 45 minutes. I slooowly got up. The floor creaked. She started to cry. Son of a B!

I gave up, and settled into bed. Crying again. Of lack of sleep and frustration. She quieted down after a minute. I slept. For a very few hours. I had to send Dan in to get my glasses in the am and she was up. No ill effects to be seen except she was tired. Well, sister, join the club!

I don't know what we'll do tonight. Probably try everything until we have to resort to the crying it out. Dan thinks it's fine. A different sleep solution for each girl. He thinks we were just lucky the first six months or so. We'll see. In the meantime, I need to try and stay awake.

Can I get in on that? Or, the Accidental Shower

Today, Dan is home with the girls. Moo is sleeping, Dan and Doodle are walking to her school and I've locked the Newbie in the bathroom with me so I can take a shower. As I'm rinsing my hair with my eyes shut, I hear Thump! Thump! Thump! It's the sound of the myriad of products I have perched on the edge of the tub being pushed aside, one by one. I open my eyes, trying to avoid slipping on the bottles and see the Newbie, leaning into the tub. Her Pj's are soaking wet, she leaning as far in as she can go to get the water to run down her face. Her eyes are closed but she has this satisfied grin on her face. She occasionally moves her head from side to side to be sure both cheeks are equally wet.

At that point, I strip her down and take her in the shower with me. I guess she really wanted a shower this morning!

Thankfully, by the time we needed to get out, Dan was home, so he scored me a towel and took a dripping Newbie from me. It might have gotten ugly if he wasn't home. One towel and my robe weren't enough for the flood on the bathroom floor.

Referralversary!

Today is the anniversary of when we received the referral for the Newbie. Here is a copy of the referral pic and a pic of her from Halloween. I'm amazed at home much she has grown. I also can't believe it has been a year since we saw her face for the first time. We are so blessed.

Nutty Family Conversations

Moo: Mom, I have something important to tell you, but don't worry, it's not bad news. But I hafta pee first.

Bathroom visit.

Me: What was it you need to talk to me about, Moo?

Moo: Dad needs the scissors downstairs.

*******

Doodle: Doodle reporting for duty (to help make cookies).

******

Doodle drops her sippy.

Doodle: Darn it!

Me: Where did you learn that phrase?

Doodle: At school. Kids say it.

Me: Ohh.

Moo: You can't say that, Santa is watching.

Doodle: It's better than saying the "s" word.

Me: What is the "s" word.

Doodle: Stupid.

Moo: Yeah, that's really bad.

Are you gonna eat that?

In the mornings, Doodle needs about 20 minutes to become fully conscious. We give her a warm chocolate milk, her "coffee," and let her watch a few minutes of TV until she can function. This Thursday, she was ensconced on the couch with her warm chocolate milk, a waffle cut into pieces, a fork, and a small bowl containing 2 gummy vitamins and 2 calcium gummy bears. The Newbie was on the floor with her cheerios and banana also enjoying a little Sponge Bob. Dan was in the shower, and I took two minutes to grab Doodle's clothes from upstairs. When I came back down, Doodle asks,"Mom, where are the gummy bears?" While she was spaced out, the Newbie had eaten the gummy bears, 1/2 of the waffle and stuck the syrupy spoon in her hair like a pic. Oh, and she had finished her 1/2 of banana and the cheerios. Doodle saw nothing, heard nothing, did nothing. By the time I got the camera, the Newbie had removed the fork and the moment was over.

Now that the Newbie is walking, nothing is safe. There is usually a trail of food in her wake.

P.S. Dan says it was fine she ate the vitamins. I was freaked, but it is nice to have a doctor in the house.

Searching for Santa

This year, as I prepare for the holidays, I've been searching for ornaments and decorations that will reflect our family. I know we're never going to find something perfect, like a figurine of carolers with a white mom, dad and two sisters, and one black baby, but I thought I would at least find a few black santas, angels, etc. to mix in with our current eccletic mix. Despite having ornaments from all over the world, the ornaments we own with people on them show mostly white folks.

I had always assumed that such ornaments and decorations were out there, but I just didn't know the right store to find them. Or, like many things, I never really paid attention. For example, I never perused hair care products for black women or truly studied them as I have now, before we adopted the Newbie. Before we adopted her, I did research on where to find hair salons, cards with representations of multicultural families, books, etc. and always found, with relative ease, what I was looking for.

Two weekends ago, I went to Frankenmuth, Michigan with my family. They have this totally insane holiday store there. I scored two black santas, three black angels, two black ballerinas, a ball ornament with a scene from Africa, and a ball ornament with a holiday greeting in Amharic. They even had some other choices, but they didn't fit with our family--for example, a black girl playing basketball(maybe in the future with the Newbie, but we're really short people).

I was talking with my stepmom about them and she got really excited,"Ohhh, a black santa? Can you tell me where you found him?" Apparently, these things are pretty hard to find! I was really thrilled with the Amharic ornament, but I assumed that a black santa was not particularly elusive. I did some google-ing and found a few things. Some ornaments on ebay, two or three websites. The selections weren't great, and often different stores carried the same products.

In my work, I struggle sometimes about how to explain white privilege. This is a perfect example. I never had to worry about whether I could find holiday decorations that looked like me! My parents could always buy me an ornament that looked like me doing something I liked to do--like playing tennis. White privilege is never having to search for a black santa, to take for granted that Santa looks like you. To never wonder why Santa at the mall is yet another white man. To watch a holiday movie where Santa visits a kid that could be me.

I'm grateful to have found what I needed, but am disappointed there isn't more.

ETA: For those of you who don't know me IRL, my step mom is black-- our exchange makes more sense if you know that.

Teasing, two differing philosophies

So Doodle last night at "dark dinner"(dinner at home with candles)announced that she had been teased at school that day. She wasn't too upset about it. I asked, "What do you mean, teasing?" She said that two boys called her a crybaby.

These two boys at once repel and fascinate her. They are "bad" and "get in trouble" all the time. Her locker is in between their lockers so she is witness to many altercations. Doodle looks down upon their behavior but you can tell she is intrigued by their wild sides. Anyway, the teasing. She told me that she told a teacher and they got in trouble.

I told her that sometimes when I was teased, I ignored the teasers. I had Dan role play as the person teasing me, and I turned to the girls and started talking like he wasn't even there. By the time I said, "Do you hear something, girls? I feel like I hear some silly talk in the background," the girls had dissolved into giggles.

Later that night, Doodle was two spaces shy of winning Candy land when she drew a card that sent her back to the beginning. Sobs ensued. Dan used the opportunity to tell Doodle that she was, in fact, a bit of a crybaby and that he would help her work on being less cry babyish.

On the one hand, I was shocked. On the other I was interested. I wondered why on earth I gave Doodle the same advice that was neither effective nor helpful when I was teased as a girl. By the same token, I wasn't convinced Dan's method was more effective than mine.

A few days later, Doodle told me that my strategy worked. A boy tried to "shoot" her with an imaginary gun in a game she wasn't participating in. She said she ignored him and he followed her for a while, then gave up.

I don't know how I feel about all of this. I'm upset but not surprised she is being teased. She's going to be a magnet for teasing, with her rule following, slightly superior attitude. I'm happy that she doesn't seem all that bothered by it. I'm glad that my method is working, but wonder if Dan's crybaby remediation plan might be good for her. Will being honest hurt her self esteem?

I don't know if we will ever know the "right" way to deal with this. It can't hurt to have two differing perspectives. I'll keep you posted. The joys of kindergarten!