A three hour tour....a three hour tour

So yesterday, the girls and I decided to go to Costco. Normally while not a pleasant trip, it is not usually so bad. I try to avoid prime time hours on Saturday, when the samples bring folks out in droves. But...we left late, and that was my first mistake. Doodle insisted on getting a snack first. Snacks were a piece of cheese pizza bigger than Doodle's head, a huge hot dog for Moo, and a churro. Oh, and a Diet Coke for me, and a pink lemonade for the girls. I was balancing all of this and the twelve bags I brought with me (yes, I'm on of THOSE people). And then, it happened, the churro fell to the floor. The horror! Thankfully, it landed mostly on the paper, and I'm ashamed to say I ripped off the piece that touched the floor and fed the rest to the girls. I was desperate, people, and there was a loooong line at the snack counter.

So after a snack, things were fairly smooth, we found a great rice cooker, and there was very little whining in the toy aisle, of course the very nice and thoughtful Costco folks had constructed a giant dollhouse display.....so helpful of them!

And then we hit the part where they start the samples. Is is really necessary to line up 7 deep to try the Irish butter spread on a piece of baguette, really? Especially when you can get a delicious churro for $1 at the snack counter? Ugh.

So I weave my way through the madness, and by this time the cart weighs about 150 pounds (two girls, 1 at 30-some pounds, and another at almost 35 pounds, Diet Coke, organic chicken, sun dried tomatoes, onions, one Tinkerbell movie bribe, one sticker book bribe, three bottles of wine, baby carrots, pellegrino, Parmesan cheese, brussel sprouts, rice cooker, a lone crab leg--hey, I have a 4 year old with a serious crab habit--don't judge) and there are three women all in a row stopped in the main aisle, talking and counting money. Really, are you just gonna sit there and chat? I started getting hostile. I entertained thoughts of accidentally ramming them on purpose with the cart. Finally, I was helped by an angry mob trying desperately to get to the sample of the chocolate mousse.

A few more stops and we get to the lines. Oh, the lines. And I almost felt sorry for the man in front of us. He and the wife were in their mid to late 70's and the only thing they had in their cart was a case of Ensure and a pair of house shoes. On one hand, I had sympathy for them. On the other, they were clearly retired. Must they go to Costco on the weekend??? Wouldn't it just be easier to go during the week during the day when it is slow? Was it really an Ensure emergency? A fun outing? "Hmmm, I'm bored honey, let's go to the Costco. I need some new slippers, and we could get some of those vanilla Ensure shakes." "Great idea hon, they have samples today."

And the card I tried to use was de-magnetized. Shoot me now!

So we make it, everything is loaded in the minivan, the kids are strapped in their car seats and I hear, "Mom, I really have to go the bathroom." Holy hell. So we get out of the car seats, walk the two miles back to the Costco, and some 7 year old has taken the handicapped stall. That meant I stood in the door way of the tiny stall to help the girls, totally on display. "Mom, I think there's poop on the floor." "Don't touch anything." "Mom, I don't have to go. Only Moo had to go." "Try anyway." "Mommy is going potty and do not move because I need to see your feet right at the door of the potty to be sure no one takes you." "What lesson did we learn today ladies? Yes, that's right, if you have to go potty, tell Mommy before we leave the Costco." This brought down the house in the ladies' room, let me tell you.

On the way home, there was an accident on the expressway. I had counted on two sleeping girls in a junk food coma, but somehow they were wide awake for the hour it took us to get home (normally a 25 minute trip). "Mom, we want to go home." "Mom, why aren't we moving?" "Mom, what accident?" "Mom, Doodle won't share the sticker book." "Mom, can we hear Brick House again?" And on and on and on. You get the picture.

To add insult to injury, as soon as we got home, Doodle fell asleep on the floor while playing with her sticker book. I poured myself a glass of wine. Oh, and I forgot the orange juice.