So we are stuck on the waiting list. According to my agency, we should anticipate a 12 month wait. We are just beginning our 11th month of waiting. So close, you say! Almost there! But no. I had envisioned THIS Christmas with the new baby. I thought we would be traveling now. I thought and was told that the wait would be 5-7 months. Therein lies the frustration. Intellectually, I know that these things are unpredictable. And intellectually I don't want to be one of those potential adoptive parents from the West waving their money and demanding a child at any cost. I don't want to contribute to non-ethical adoptions. But my heart just wants my damn baby. It is not rational, but it is real and very,very raw.
Not to mention the excruciating limbo of not knowing. Girl or boy? 3 months or 12 months? Single infant or twins? For a planner, this is hell. I can't DO anything in the wait. Can't paint a room, can't buy clothes. I don't want to take too many vacation days in case my maternity leave is imminent, but if we're not going to travel until, say June, I'm going to at least need a mental health day here and there.
I've intentionally left some things to do after referral but before travel, like immunizations. I know I will need something to do in those 3+ months between referral and travel and I just can't imagine going into a travel clinic now and saying "Hey, I'm traveling to Ethiopia." When? "I have no freaking clue. Sometime in the next 6-9 months." I'm pretty sure they'll look at me like I'm a lunatic.
So if I look a little crazed, or get teary eyed, please understand. And to those pregnant women out there, don't take my angry, jealous looks personally. I'm envious of your timeline and excuse for ice cream consumption.
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I can't imagine waiting with no particular timeline--Ugh! That must be driving you bonkers! I hope that you get some good news soon and that you will be on that plane picking up your new baby before you know it.
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